Your middle name is your tumblr name? Isn’t Tumblr connected through Facebook, so if we have you on Facebook, we can track you through to tumblr through your email?
What other kind of background would I have?
These are three poems that I’ve written in the past:
I Demand an Explanation
Can you count
the amount of stars in the sky?
Can you count
the amount of hairs on your head?
Can you count
the grains of sand in a desert?
Can you describe all
the depths of the ocean?
Can you show me with one word
the heights of the mountains?
Can you fully capture in one sentence
the beauty of the sky?
Well, if all of this is impossible
then you understand
that I cannot begin to tell you
how much I love you.
I Don’t Care
I understand now that you don’t care,
no matter how many obstacles I may bear.
My love for you will always endure,
but it will always be unsure.
You stomp, break and shatter,
all the things that I thought mattered.
My heart is in pieces on the floor,
yet you continue to ignore.
I thought that you understood,
I thought that only you could,
but I guess you’ll never know
all the pain that only seems to grow.
I guess I’m alone in this struggle
forever contained in this lonely bubble.
I can scream, shout, and call
but it will never pass this wall.
I’m stuck forever alone with this broken heart,
never to be fulfilled like a tragic work of art.
I tell you that I care for you.
I tell you that you’re beautiful.
I tell you that you’re perfect.
I tell you that your wrongs are all forgiven.
I tell you that I’d love you no matter the circumstance.
I tell you that I just want to make you happy.
I tell you that I’d sacrifice anything for you.
I’d tell you with my last breath
how much you mean to me.
You tell me to back off.
You tell me that it’d never happen.
You tell me that you’d never feel the same.
I guess I’m just desperate.
The more and more I read through my old poems, the more I realize how foolish I was. I read my old poems that I’ve written out of desperation and anguish. I read through my old poems about how much I’ve thought about someone or how I felt through a certain situation, and I realize that my feelings don’t compare to God’s.
How naive and immature I was. If only I could see past my struggles to realize God is loving me throughout. Whatever storm I may bear, God is always watching and leading me to Him. I realize that I’m not describing my love for someone else in my poems, I’m describing God’s love for me. Without realizing it, I described my hatred for God through these poems. How much I turn my back on Him, yet He still continues to pursue me.
I realize that I’ll still always be immature. That no matter how much I claim to be mature, I’ll still never understand certain things. I just have to maintain a child-like faith, rather than childish.
“All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” -Ephesians 2:3-5
I was reading through some of my old poems, and I stumbled upon one titled “Big Bang”. It reads:
Well, let’s see here.
Try traveling to the deepest of sea trenches,
heck try going to the Earth’s core.
Then climb Everest
and that’s nowhere near
Take all the water in the oceans
all the water in every planet
all the water in existence
and you still wouldn’t come close
to submerging it.
Take all the mountains,
all the plains, deserts,
whatever you wish.
Mash them all together.
Even gather all the planets
and mash them all together
and that would not be massive enough.
Travel to the sun and back
and that’s nowhere near enough.
You’d have to reach
the ends of the universe
then you’d begin
my love is for you.
I wish you could begin to understand
so that you could finally
return just one
Embarrassingly enough, I wrote this about a girl I had a crush on. As if I could really understand love through some shallow feeling. As if love was that simple. I read this and I realized how little I really knew. I say that love is defined by sacrifice, but I tend to fall into that false preconception of Hollywood’s painted image of love. The touchy-feely, passionate romance that is so well pictured in each film is not what love is, and I should know this, but I fall into that trap sometimes too.
I realize now how much God loves us. Well, not really. I don’t think I could ever understand how much He loves us, or why He loves us so. What I do understand is that His love is beyond all comparison. As detailed in my poem, I realize that my old poem more accurately describes His love for us, rather than my love for someone else.
I’ve been reading the Old Testament with my Bible study group. A lot of the prophets detail God’s great wrath for sinners, but there is always the promise of salvation through faith. That those that follow God will not suffer His wrath. We deserve death. So many of us think we deserve life, but we are broken instruments. What do we do with broken things? We throw them away. God loves us so much that He would go through such great lengths to fix each and every one of us. God came here in the flesh because of His exceeding love for us. He came here and died on the cross to provide a way for us.
God loves you. God loves you more than you can ever imagine. All He desires is that you return that love, just a little bit, and you’ll be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” - John 3:16